LESSONS ON DUDES: P. II

SO, y’all really liked my last blog post on dudes. Like REALLY. So much so that I had more questions and messages than ever. I’ve decided that I’m really going to try to commit to doing this once a month for y’all. 

To spice it up a little, I’ve added some input from guys in this one— so you can hear it straight from the horses mouth. 

Let’s jump right into it: 

Q+A 

Q: How do I respond when guys ask what I’m looking for? I want to let them know I’m into it without being pushy. 

A: We’ve all been to Target right? You walk in with the intention of buying something but your not really sure what that is. So you’re always prepared to spend money, but you’re only going to swipe that card if it’s something that looks good and you feel like is worth buying. I would explain it just like that. Let him know that you’re not “actively searching for a boyfriend” but if the right person comes around, you aren’t opposed to the idea of something serious. BOOM.

Q: I hooked up with my guy friend and now it’s weird. Can we ever go back to being “just friends”?

A: In my opinion, 100% yes. It may take a while but the way I look at it, it’s only awkward if you make it awkward. Make sure there’s no actual feelings between the two of you before attempting this, or you’ll probably lose a friend, but treat him like your bro again. Call him dude. Talk about other guys. Go half on dinner. Let him know that it’s completely platonic and you plan to keep it that way. Depending on the relationship though, you may really need to have a conversation about things to clear the air. Be patient and don’t be awkward. 

Q: How do you know if a guy actually likes you? 

A: Well, it’s a lot easier to tell if he doesn’t like you than if he does lol. I mean if he’s returning your texts, it’s safe to assume that he at least wants to have sex with you. But honestly, if you want to know... just ask. Have an open conversation about it. If he gets weird or awkward about it, then it’s safe to assume he probably doesn’t REALLY like you and it’s time to move on. 

Q: I’ve been talking to guys for a few days on apps and they haven’t asked me out yet. Are they not that into me? 

A: Unfortunately, the in house guy council has spoken and deemed that he’s probably not that interested— not saying that it has anything to do with you but more to do with the fact that he’s probably not invested in the app. I mean think about it, it’s hard to be fully invested in a pen pal. My advice is to take it off the app or into another form of social media as quickly as you can— instagram, snap, text etc. It makes you more “real” and more of an actual priority. Also, feel free to take some initiative and ask the guy out yourself. Like come on. It’s 2019. 

Q: College Football Players: Stay away or stay and play? 

A: I had to go to the guy council for this (because they were college football players) and I loved their answer: “When it comes to college football players, there’s a very important factor to remember: they’re all making the same amount. ...So stick around for starters only” 

LOL I’m dead. 

I always say there’s a certain fuckboy matrix out there that can guide you into how much BS you can put up with. Like what the correct ratio is of looks, sex, and money that can compensate for the level BS they put you through. 

Q: How do I deal with a guy who’s not a complete fuckboy but has fuckboy tendencies? 

A: Ahhhhh. Don’t you love this? Like is super sweet and nice and at times y’all have great conversation and you think maybe you could even see y’all dating at some point? Y’all even go out on dates, hang out etc. But then other times he’s flakey with plans or won’t always hit you back when you text? Kind of goes in ebs and flows. And it leaves you feeling super confused with his hot and cold behavior. 

Trust me: I GET IT. 

STORY TIME: So I was talking to this fairly well known country singer casually for a few months on and off. Everything was pretty platonic for a while. We had hung out and hadn’t even kissed for like forever. Anyway— we would make general plans “to hang out later” and when later would come, neither one would text the other. Or at times I’d hit him up and wouldn’t hear back. But then at times he’d text me about how he really wanted to hang out soon, couldn’t stop thinking about me, and even about how I really needed a key to his place. And then it’d be back to Flake-City. WTF. Long story short, I let that one lie. Because I don’t have time to deal. You need to decide what you’re willing to put up with. And if you stop allowing the behavior (he acts like a flake and then you still respond when he hits you up), you have control. You may make him realize that what he did wasn’t cool, and he’ll probably apologize. But don’t continue to enable the behavior if it bothers you. 

PRO TIP: Turn on your read receipts for anyone giving you the run around. Read their messages and then let them sweat it out a bit if you do want to respond. 

Q: Have any advice for long distance? 

A: Absolutely! I’ve done this a few times and it’s not easy. I would say there’s a few things you need to make sure things go smoothly. 

1. Make time for each other. Whether that’s just texting or calling/FaceTime, it’s important to stay connected. But don’t make this a burden. I don’t know about y’all, but I HATE texting someone non-stop just to keep communication going. Like y’all have jobs and friends— let them live. 

2. Patience and trust. Going along with that, you need to be secure if you’re going to do distance. If you plan to have any sort of social life outside of your relationship, you need to make sure that they are secure enough to handle you having friends and going out (and that you are too). I mean I don’t know what types of lives y’all have but you know I love to be out and be social. I love being home too, but normally that’s when I can be with my significant other. Just make sure both of you are secure or else it could create issues. 

3. Make plans. Always try to set dates for when y’all will see each other next. It gives you both something to look forward to. 

4. Spice it up. YUP. You heard me. I’m pretty sure y’all know I’m not shy by this point (sorry to anyone who’s virgin eyes are reading this) but you need to keep it hot between y’all. Send a racy pic or two. Send a dirty text. Do what you need to. I’m personally not a sexter, but I’m pretty sure a “I can’t wait to be on top of you” will get him pretty excited (Yes? No? Seasoned sexters help me out here lol). But it will keep your mans mind on you and not someone else. I’m leaving y’all here for now and I will hit y’all with 

Part III next week. Feel free to DM me questions and share this with the babes in your life who might need this. As always, I love y’all and can’t thank you enough for being as amazing as you all are!